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A Horse, Stories, and a Commitment.

Horse love

I didn’t have to speak; the mare read the stories in my eyes and she just knew. I fed her carrots and we talked without words while the sun set over the Kansas sky.

She sensed my struggles: stressful situations with the kids, a recent breakup, my scary basement, taxes, anxiety over several things beyond my control, and the general malaise and feeling of failure caused by parenting.

I was writing in my head. I’m always writing in my head, with Fear sitting next to me, grabbing my arms, leaning close, and whispering wickedly in my ear:

“You don’t have anything worthwhile to say.”

“Look out, you never know who might be reading this…”

“No one blogs anymore, anyway.”

“You’re not a real writer.”

Well, fuck that shit. I’m here to write. And though I may not be able to share my kids’ stories (those are for them to tell someday), I have plenty of my own.

I’m reminding myself that writing is a practice, like anything else. If I don’t practice, I won’t get better. I will stagnate. Just as I return to the barre to work out several days each week, stretching my legs and easing into a split (no way, just kidding, I can’t do a split! But maybe one day?), I will come back here and tell my stories.

I am committing myself to one story (or something) a week. It should be an easy enough goal. Like old school blogging. I miss that connection, the way things were. I don’t even know if it exists anymore. Regardless, it’s something I need to do for myself. I don’t care if anyone reads it.

This is something I have to do for me.

Because I’m a writer.

Comments

  6. I’ve been wanting to come back to blogging. My voices say the same thing. Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this today

  8. So much of what you said in the six synced blog post is racing through my mind daily. I admire your tenacity, and I’ve committed to do the same in my life. Thanks for the great work.

      • part of my problem is I edit as I am writing my posts…I need to stop that
        because it gets longer, more tedious, and the perfection kicks in. Ugh.

    • I had a feeling you meant succinct! 🙂
      Tenacity is hard with so many things going against me.
      But I’m really getting back to it. Even if it’s shit.
      I mean, of course it’s going to be shit. Everyone has to write through
      the shit, even the most seasoned authors. Or this is what I tell
      myself. 🙂

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