Please welcome Julie, a single 30-something who writes about discovering who she’s meant to be while documenting her weight loss journey ups and downs. She blogs at Dutch Being Me and tweets {excessively} at @DutchBeingMe… and spends too much time obsessing over where her next Diet Coke is coming from.
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I was in my therapist’s office, not really responding to his questions, when he told me to start a private journal and maybe share some of my musings at a future session. Thoughts about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and how I really wanted to live my life. He asked me to start writing about how I felt in this moment and to see where it would lead from there.
The first night I hauled out a notebook and pen and wrote for what felt like hours. I had done some journaling before, but never like this. Never trying to answer the question of “what I feel like right now.” Journaling had always been more of a meditation for me – and always outwardly asking for something.
I started writing about how I didn’t want to be writing and would rather be doing anything else. But I continued, sharing stories that I’d hoped I would have forgotten long before… like how friends had abandoned me during a fateful lunch hour my senior year of high school and how I never really understood how to keep a friendship alive.
Tears fell down my cheeks and I found this more cleansing to my soul than any therapy session to date.
But in that moment, I learned there was something much deeper in it for me. A yearning for me to be heard in a way I’d never experienced before, wanting to be loved in a new or deeper way than I had ever been, and discovering that there were dreams inside of me waiting to be set free.
Within weeks of that appointment, a blog was born. A place where I could share the silly things about my life as well as the triumphs and defeats that I experienced in my weight loss journey. A place where my friends and family could cheer me on and support me when needed.
Over the years, I’ve continued to journal – both on paper and, in part, on my blog, opening up about my family, my life, my loneliness and the fact that I wanted someone to be close to me. I write about how I hate my job and want to be anywhere but in the place I am.
Writing has become a place where I have discovered my innermost feelings. Feelings of hurt, depression, fear and sadness… along with hope, joy, and love for those that stand by me. Writing is my loyal friend who tells me the truth. Truths that I often want to run away from. Writing will always be something that I can’t just “give up” because it has become a part of me. It’s become my heart and soul.
I am a writer.
My writing has become my therapy. I would be lost without it and though I have not been where I can see myself being, I see the possibility of getting there. Sometimes putting it on paper gives it a voice when we cannot speak it out loud. I know how powerful that can be, having been there several times myself.
It’s amazing what writing can bring out in us… and the healing it provides.
This is great. You ARE a writer. I’m so glad that from that therapist appointment and from the journal, your blog was born. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
Thank you for your kind words. It’s amazing how each of us has found our way to where we are. I’m really starting to look forward to the journey ahead.
Julie, you absolutely are a writer. I’m so glad that you’ve found a safe place (both on a paper journal and your blog) to let out those feelings and figure out what you need. I am similar in that there are things I didn’t even know I wanted until I felt them flowing out of my pen (or keyboard.) I know that there is something “more” for you out there than the place you are now, and I am so excited to follow along as you find that place!
Thank you Angela! I’m so blessed to have friends like you cheering me on along the way. <3
Perfect post, journey, and ending.
You are, indeed, a writer!
Thank you Galit! It’s taken me a bit of a journey to get here and hopefully I’ll see some good things come from it soon. 🙂
Bravo on having the revelation. Only good things lie ahead!
Gigi, you are such a wonderful friend. I love the support that you have given me… and the hope that you give me as well! You are right… good things lie ahead.
Hi Julie…so nice seeing you here! I am so glad you started a blog and write for us like you do. I find that my blog is like therapy in such a good way too…that it helps me open up and deal with my own feelings..while connecting to people in a truly wonderful way. It’s saved my sanity more times than I can count. 🙂
What a wonderful way to tell us about your journey!
I can relate to this Julie. I started my blog after I finished therapy. I missed the release of writing a therapy journal and wanted to transform that action into something more.My blog for me is a place to write and express myself in a positive way, sometimes serious, sometimes fun and always open and honest!
Great post.
I was in therapy for about 4 months when my shrink told me to resume writing. I was writing a music blog on myspace but it was about bands, music, scene, etc. It wasn’t personal. After I filled up 3 notebooks, I started letting go of crap. The divorce, the lost friends, my codependency, my bullcrap.
Thansk for writing this. You are one strong woman.
I have just recently embraced that I am a writer as well. I’ve spent years being lots of other things. Lots of initials behind my name, but the real me lies in my words. I’ve just began to share them. Kinda scary. And kinda exciting.
Love it! Writing can be so incredibly cathartic. And when it connects us with others, it’s like magic. Great post!
Ah, I hear you.
Writing has done for my life, in my life, in all parts: as wife, mother, person,…because I become truer to myself than I’ve ever been.
It’s the power of having my own space.
It’s something that is mine.
For the first time.
I loved your words here, and loved finally being able to meet you at BBC.