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Failing and Flying.

November 27, 2012

I’m taking a leap and making my wings on the way down

(i didn’t write that, it was a quote i just saw fly by on twitter)

but I’m terrified of falling, flailing, failing.

(i like alliteration & yes look carefully those are three different words)

I don’t relish the feeling of

p
p
p
p
p
p
p

l
l
l
l
l
l
l
l
u

m
m
m
m
m

e

t
t
t
t
t

i
n
n
n
n
n
n
g

at warp speed.

There is nothing graceful about this failure, you see.
And I never claimed to be crafty. I can’t fashion wings. I’m not Martha Stewart, for fuck’s sake.

(but on the other hand maybe these oversized sweatpants could be cut down the crotch and legs and start to resemble something akin to a parachute?)

Nah.

The racing air puffs up my cheeks and pulls my facial skin up and I can see so clearly, even with my stomach a mile up behind me.

I’m maybe gonna have to fall flat on my face and scrape myself off the cold, dirty pavement. Wipe the gravel off.

I’m maybe gonna cry some (a lot). The ugly kind of cry. Strings of snot.

I’m maybe gonna need a few Band-Aids. With Hello Kitty on them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo credit

I’m maybe gonna need some extra hugs and a double dose of Klonopin.

I’m maybe gonna need you to understand.

I’m maybe gonna need you to not say I told you so.

 

I’m maybe gonna have to fail before I learn to make my own wings and fly.

I’m maybe gonna have to gather myself before I have the courage to make another jump, another big leap.

I’m not gonna ask for help. But I will ask to hold your hand.

Filed Under: Musings

Comments

  1. Debi says

    November 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    You are amazing for taking the leap! Always remember that.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 10:53 am

      Thank you, Debi. I wish I felt more amazing…but you’re right. xoxo

  2. The Dose of Reality says

    November 27, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    You can’t fly unless you first jump! Go for it…everyone is here to catch you if you fall and cheer you on when you soar! šŸ™‚

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 10:54 am

      Ashley/Dose of Reality, Thank you…jumping is hard. I’ve made lots of leaps w/ mixed results. I don’t like the in-between. The falling. The not knowing whether it’ll be a crash landing or if the clouds will cushion the blow.

  3. Jayme says

    November 27, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    You can always hold my hand! Love you! I wish that I would just jump more often.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 10:58 am

      Thank you, Jayme…I’ll hold your hand anytime, thanks for offering, sweetie! xoxox

  4. fiftyshadesofpeach says

    November 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I just pinned something a few days ago: Leap and the net will appear. We believe in you – now be brave and jump! šŸ™‚

  5. Masala Chica says

    November 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Here’s my hand. I’ll take it. And help catch you if you let me šŸ™‚

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

      Kiran, you are so kind. Thank you. I’m grateful to have you as a friend!!

  6. Jennifer Williams says

    November 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    I will gladly hold your hand.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:02 am

      Jennifer, thank you!!! xoxxooxox

  7. Carla says

    November 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    So grateful for connecting via LTYM. Enjoying your writing so very much.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:25 am

      Carla,

      I’m glad we’ve connected, too! LTYM is going to be such fun!

  8. From Tracie says

    November 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    You’ve got my hand.

    No I told you sos. I promise.

    You can do this flying thing – it is what you were born to do.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:25 am

      Tracie,

      I’m not convinced. But I’m so grateful to have you and I still hope someday I’ll get to meet you…sigh. xoxo

      • From Tracie says

        December 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

        I hope we get to meet. You need to take your kids to Disney, and then run away to hang out with me for a day! Or I need to make it to a blog conference. One day…..we will work it out. xoxo

  9. Elaine A. says

    November 27, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    oh look, you wrote!! šŸ˜‰ Hand holding is free over here, my dear.

    Hey listen, you’ve got a lot going on, but you got yourself into it all knowing in your heart that you CAN. So, go and do it and no falling on your face, got me?

    Love you…

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

      Elaine,

      You’re so sweet. There are just some things I’m not so sure will work out. Sigh. But I’m not ready to let go yet. Also? I love your post about your mom today. BEAUTIFUL!!! xoxoxoxo

  10. Josh says

    November 28, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Your post reminds me of something Christopher Robin said to Winnie The Pooh:

    “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”

  11. Alison says

    November 28, 2012 at 1:41 am

    Feel the wind in your face, my friend. Falling, but no flailing or failing.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:32 am

      Alison,

      Maybe you’re right. Maybe I can fall without failing? I don’t know the answer to that yet….time will tell. Thanks for stopping by! xoxo

  12. Kirsten Piccini says

    November 28, 2012 at 7:16 am

    sometimes FALLING is the best way to feel ALIVE, to feel the wind in your face. When I think of YOU Erin, all I see is FLYING, all I see is SAFE LANDINGS, all I know is that you SOAR. xoxoxoo

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:37 am

      kir,

      you just made me cry. i’m not flying lately. flailing about, really….but i’m glad to know what YOU see…maybe it can help ground me. thanks for believing in me.xoxoxoxo

  13. Natalie says

    November 28, 2012 at 9:17 am

    You know, this roller coaster of life can be scary as hell. And intense. And hard. And gorgeous and real and amazing. You’re doing it. Not failing. Not flailing. Just living. Hang in there, friend.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

      Natalie,

      Good points, sweetie. I just need to try and view it all that way…but it is hard, like you said. I just need not to let it get me down…xoxoxo

  14. PamelaFaganHutchins says

    November 28, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Hands ready! Beautiful post.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

      Pamela,

      Thank you for coming by to read and for the encouragement! xo

  15. Kimberly M says

    November 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

    You know that I’ll always hold your hand…and I will ask if you need help and bitch you better accept it…heee heee.
    This is beautifully written my sweet friend. Sending you imaginary bandaids

  16. My Inner Chick says

    November 28, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Love Love Love your writing!

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:47 am

      Inner Chick,

      Awwwww, aren’t you the sweetest? Thank you! šŸ˜‰

  17. Casey says

    November 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    I love this.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:47 am

      Casey,

      Thank you!!! I’m so happy you stopped by to read. I think I may have another post brewing. And it may include Madonna and Britney Spears. And my twins’ 7th birthday party. But don’t let that deter you. LOL.

  18. joychristin says

    November 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Thank you for sharing in such a raw, open way. I’ve always been one who leaps, but the possible plummet began to scare me…I thought maybe there weren’t enough band-aids in the world for the wounds I could possibly incur. So, I stayed grounded last year…I’m ready to fly again..and your way with words inspires me greatly. I vision the parachuters who gather in circles in the air all holding hands as the literally fly šŸ™‚

  19. Katie Hurley says

    November 28, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    I know the feeling. All I can tell you is that sometimes falling is actually inspiring. Go figure. Love this.

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:58 am

      Katie,

      Falling as inspiring…never thought of it that way…
      Must try. Now.

      THANK YOU! xoxo

  20. Terri Sonoda says

    November 29, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Always here for hand-holding. And listening. And reading your amazing words. Awesome post!

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:57 am

      Thanks, Terri. I’m trying. Having a really tough time lately. But still trying….xoxo

  21. Jackie Park-Cross says

    November 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    You know that I’ll be here… to listen, to hold your hand, catch you when you call, and just in case you ask for help be here to do what you need.
    And as always I do love your writing. šŸ™‚

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm

      Jackie,

      I love your writing too, and am sorry I haven’t been by lately. Thank you for offering to hold my hand. It means a lot.
      HUGS!

  22. tulpen says

    November 30, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Hmmm. I used to enjoy the falling. I’d jump without a thought.
    Notsomuch anymore.
    In fact, I feel like I’ve been hiding lately. Hibernating maybe.
    Hmmmm.
    Thanks for making me think this morning!

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 11:59 am

      Tulpen, it’s SO NICE to see you here and I’ve been a terrible bloggy friend. I have been hibernating in my own ways, too. And with winter coming and a healthy dose of SAD, I’m going to do my best to NOT….thanks for making my day by showing up over here! xo

  23. Lady Jennie says

    December 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    This was so beautifully worded! And – you can do it! šŸ™‚

    • Erin Margolin says

      December 4, 2012 at 12:00 pm

      Thank you, Jennie!! I appreciate your vote of confidence, as always. I wish I could WILL this thing not to fail. WILL myself not to fail… xoxo

  24. Jessica F. Hinton says

    December 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I love this post! You know the greatest success comes from the biggest leaps. Fear of failure holds us back from making those leaps, but we must make them anyway, just because we can. Whatever it is that you’re doing, I wish you all the best!

  25. heidi says

    December 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    This is being brave. Have courage and take heart as you leap. That’s my plan as I embark on my next leap.

    (Boy, can I relate to this today.)

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