I’m taking a leap and making my wings on the way down
(i didn’t write that, it was a quote i just saw fly by on twitter)
but I’m terrified of falling, flailing, failing.
(i like alliteration & yes look carefully those are three different words)
I don’t relish the feeling of
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at warp speed.
There is nothing graceful about this failure, you see.
And I never claimed to be crafty. I can’t fashion wings. I’m not Martha Stewart, for fuck’s sake.
(but on the other hand maybe these oversized sweatpants could be cut down the crotch and legs and start to resemble something akin to a parachute?)
Nah.
The racing air puffs up my cheeks and pulls my facial skin up and I can see so clearly, even with my stomach a mile up behind me.
I’m maybe gonna have to fall flat on my face and scrape myself off the cold, dirty pavement. Wipe the gravel off.
I’m maybe gonna cry some (a lot). The ugly kind of cry. Strings of snot.
I’m maybe gonna need a few Band-Aids. With Hello Kitty on them.
I’m maybe gonna need some extra hugs and a double dose of Klonopin.
I’m maybe gonna need you to understand.
I’m maybe gonna need you to not say I told you so.
I’m maybe gonna have to fail before I learn to make my own wings and fly.
I’m maybe gonna have to gather myself before I have the courage to make another jump, another big leap.
I’m not gonna ask for help. But I will ask to hold your hand.
You are amazing for taking the leap! Always remember that.
Thank you, Debi. I wish I felt more amazing…but you’re right. xoxo
You can’t fly unless you first jump! Go for it…everyone is here to catch you if you fall and cheer you on when you soar! š
Ashley/Dose of Reality, Thank you…jumping is hard. I’ve made lots of leaps w/ mixed results. I don’t like the in-between. The falling. The not knowing whether it’ll be a crash landing or if the clouds will cushion the blow.
You can always hold my hand! Love you! I wish that I would just jump more often.
Thank you, Jayme…I’ll hold your hand anytime, thanks for offering, sweetie! xoxox
I just pinned something a few days ago: Leap and the net will appear. We believe in you – now be brave and jump! š
Here’s my hand. I’ll take it. And help catch you if you let me š
Kiran, you are so kind. Thank you. I’m grateful to have you as a friend!!
I will gladly hold your hand.
Jennifer, thank you!!! xoxxooxox
So grateful for connecting via LTYM. Enjoying your writing so very much.
Carla,
I’m glad we’ve connected, too! LTYM is going to be such fun!
You’ve got my hand.
No I told you sos. I promise.
You can do this flying thing – it is what you were born to do.
Tracie,
I’m not convinced. But I’m so grateful to have you and I still hope someday I’ll get to meet you…sigh. xoxo
I hope we get to meet. You need to take your kids to Disney, and then run away to hang out with me for a day! Or I need to make it to a blog conference. One day…..we will work it out. xoxo
oh look, you wrote!! š Hand holding is free over here, my dear.
Hey listen, you’ve got a lot going on, but you got yourself into it all knowing in your heart that you CAN. So, go and do it and no falling on your face, got me?
Love you…
Elaine,
You’re so sweet. There are just some things I’m not so sure will work out. Sigh. But I’m not ready to let go yet. Also? I love your post about your mom today. BEAUTIFUL!!! xoxoxoxo
Your post reminds me of something Christopher Robin said to Winnie The Pooh:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”
Feel the wind in your face, my friend. Falling, but no flailing or failing.
Alison,
Maybe you’re right. Maybe I can fall without failing? I don’t know the answer to that yet….time will tell. Thanks for stopping by! xoxo
sometimes FALLING is the best way to feel ALIVE, to feel the wind in your face. When I think of YOU Erin, all I see is FLYING, all I see is SAFE LANDINGS, all I know is that you SOAR. xoxoxoo
kir,
you just made me cry. i’m not flying lately. flailing about, really….but i’m glad to know what YOU see…maybe it can help ground me. thanks for believing in me.xoxoxoxo
You know, this roller coaster of life can be scary as hell. And intense. And hard. And gorgeous and real and amazing. You’re doing it. Not failing. Not flailing. Just living. Hang in there, friend.
Natalie,
Good points, sweetie. I just need to try and view it all that way…but it is hard, like you said. I just need not to let it get me down…xoxoxo
Hands ready! Beautiful post.
Pamela,
Thank you for coming by to read and for the encouragement! xo
You know that I’ll always hold your hand…and I will ask if you need help and bitch you better accept it…heee heee.
This is beautifully written my sweet friend. Sending you imaginary bandaids
Love Love Love your writing!
Inner Chick,
Awwwww, aren’t you the sweetest? Thank you! š
I love this.
Casey,
Thank you!!! I’m so happy you stopped by to read. I think I may have another post brewing. And it may include Madonna and Britney Spears. And my twins’ 7th birthday party. But don’t let that deter you. LOL.
Thank you for sharing in such a raw, open way. I’ve always been one who leaps, but the possible plummet began to scare me…I thought maybe there weren’t enough band-aids in the world for the wounds I could possibly incur. So, I stayed grounded last year…I’m ready to fly again..and your way with words inspires me greatly. I vision the parachuters who gather in circles in the air all holding hands as the literally fly š
I know the feeling. All I can tell you is that sometimes falling is actually inspiring. Go figure. Love this.
Katie,
Falling as inspiring…never thought of it that way…
Must try. Now.
THANK YOU! xoxo
Always here for hand-holding. And listening. And reading your amazing words. Awesome post!
Thanks, Terri. I’m trying. Having a really tough time lately. But still trying….xoxo
You know that I’ll be here… to listen, to hold your hand, catch you when you call, and just in case you ask for help be here to do what you need.
And as always I do love your writing. š
Jackie,
I love your writing too, and am sorry I haven’t been by lately. Thank you for offering to hold my hand. It means a lot.
HUGS!
Hmmm. I used to enjoy the falling. I’d jump without a thought.
Notsomuch anymore.
In fact, I feel like I’ve been hiding lately. Hibernating maybe.
Hmmmm.
Thanks for making me think this morning!
Tulpen, it’s SO NICE to see you here and I’ve been a terrible bloggy friend. I have been hibernating in my own ways, too. And with winter coming and a healthy dose of SAD, I’m going to do my best to NOT….thanks for making my day by showing up over here! xo
This was so beautifully worded! And – you can do it! š
Thank you, Jennie!! I appreciate your vote of confidence, as always. I wish I could WILL this thing not to fail. WILL myself not to fail… xoxo
I love this post! You know the greatest success comes from the biggest leaps. Fear of failure holds us back from making those leaps, but we must make them anyway, just because we can. Whatever it is that you’re doing, I wish you all the best!
This is being brave. Have courage and take heart as you leap. That’s my plan as I embark on my next leap.
(Boy, can I relate to this today.)