I am eating some turkey for lunch & pretending it’s last night’s leftover pizza. And because that isn’t working very well for me, I’m going to distract myself by writing what I hope is an amusing blog post.
For some reason I was just thinking about my first real kiss. No, I don’t mean a silly peck during Spin the Bottle; I mean a full-on make out session with my first boyfriend.
My first boyfriend was Scott. He lived down the street from me in Metairie, LA, where I grew up. I think he was a year older…I was 12 at the time. We started “going out,” even though that didn’t mean very much. I think we rode bikes together and hung out at a mutual friend’s house who also lived on our block. Once he came to dinner with me & my family at Bud’s Broiler. Man oh Manischewitz do I miss Bud’s Broiler! MmmMMMm!!! But that is neither here nor there.
So like I said, I was in sixth grade. And it was a really rough year for me from a social standpoint. I was not a part of the in crowd, I had a huge Jewish nose and these giant eyebrows like caterpillars (wait, I still have those…). I was wearing a training bra & had nothing to put in it. I don’t know why, but my parents suggested I have a party at the end of the school year. Perhaps because I’d had a rough time of it and maybe they thought it would help smooth things over with the other kids. So I had a swimming party at our house and invited the whole class. Surprisingly most of them showed up (I think they came because it was a pool party and maybe they were curious about where I lived and all that), I think there were probably 30 kids total including me and Scott.
My mom got me a new bathing suit for the occasion. It was technically a one piece, but it showed my stomach. It was cut out in the middle but connected on each side by an obnoxious pink bow. The top was white and had “Beach Patrol” printed across it with a beach ball underneath. The bottom was modest and pink. I thought I was so cool. Little did I know a lot of the other girls would show up with bikinis, complete with actual breasts inside.
So we’re swimming, we’re goofing off, I’m high on the fact that cool kids are at my house, my party, swimming in my pool. A few couples start sneaking off to make out by the garage. Eventually someone leaks the fact that although Scott and I are supposedly dating, we’ve never really kissed (i.e. no tongue). Then everyone starts making fun of me and goading me. I don’t want to look bad in front of the cool kids; however, my parents are just inside the house watching tv in the sun room, which looks out onto the pool. My brothers are in there too. They can see everything.
I whisper with a few of the girls and they/we decide that if everyone makes a big circle around Scott and me that my parents will be unable to see anything that happens in the middle of said circle. Scott and I are in the middle now. I’m suddenly cold and my teeth are chattering. I want to hop out of the pool and hide somewhere. I feel like I’m going to be sick. But everyone is chanting for us to kiss. I can’t not do it. So we inch a little closer. And after an eternity, our lips meet. Everything is fine (albeit a little sloppy) for a few seconds. Then Scott pulls away from me sharply and puts his hand to his mouth.
“Ouch! You bit me!” he exclaims. Shrieks of laughter all around. I blush furiously. And that’s really all I remember except that this was the end of Scott and me.