a delicate strand of an afternoon–
her threads are unraveling, hanging off.
she’s thankful for the friend who’s a phone call away.
they devour sandwiches, both tired, hungry, worn thin by this day, its drama and defeats.
mustard and mayonnaise drip down the bread. a shared hunger for more than just food–hungry to be heard, understood and loved.
after, they sit in the shade of the porch watching the trees whisper. the leaves tell stories. a butterfly, an old soul, flits by, waving its wings and leaving a trail of tenderness behind.
they sneak cigarettes, passing the lighter back and forth. the mixture of nicotine, the warm wind, and the shared silence–not having to say a word, but still feeling comfortable in the quiet–brings relief.
linked up with Yeah Write
Erin, I know you want “con crit” but I got nothing. This was so evocative in so few words, with no dialogue, yet dripping with time and place and emotion.
Cindy,
and your comment: “dripping w/ time, place & emotion” stopped me in my tracks. thank you, friend.
I’m left with no words. This is beautiful. Every single word is perfect – not too many, not too few.
Soulful.
Thank you, Tracie! xoxoxo
God, this makes me miss the friendships I left in California. And cigarettes.
Guerrilla Mom,
It makes me miss other friendships too. And I keep wanting to buy some cigs.
ahh. yes. i have these friendships. and in this time in my life i crave them like none other. you take me right to the heart of it. love it.
Tara,
This is a compliment of the highest sort, coming from you. I’m glad you liked it. I crave these friendships, too. And sometimes I am sad that a lot of my friendships are virtual, through the computer screen. And that my husband will never understand.
I miss my real friends…when are you coming to see me. This made me cry.
I miss you, too. I don’t know when I’m coming. Life sucks now. We need a phone chat to catch up. xoxoxo
This is really beautiful work. I’m always at a loss to say something constructive about verse and poetic writing – it’s something I only ever understand emotionally and not technically. It either hits me or I can’t find my way inside of its emotions. The imagery in this was vivid, the mix of melancholy and relief powerful; what I’m saying is I *felt it*. Amazing job.
Eric,
I’m honored and the fact that I made you “feel” it means I’ve succeeded. So thank you for sharing that with me. And thank you for your vagina post, which I voted for. I love it so hard! I’m going to keep sharing it, too.
Happy Thursday!
This is beautifully written. And I get it.
San DIego Momma,
Thank you so much!
I love it.
Erin,
So happy!
From the other Erin
😉
Those kind of friends are the best..
Mayor Gia,
I know, right? Sigh. I need more days like these w/ my besties.
This post is so comforting. Love it.
THank you, Kimberly. and you know what? YOU are a comfort to me.
Happy almost Friday!
Beautiful, Erin. I miss my friends, whom I don’t see nearly enough. Tonight, though: Mom’s night OUT!
Ellen,
How was girls’ night out? What did you do? Where did you go? So glad you took some time for yourself!xoxoxo
this makes me miss my BFF (we live in different states). and smoking.
Christina,
It’s no fun to have BFFs who live far away. I know the feeling well. Thanks so much for reading and relating!
The essence of friendship. Beautifully done.
Anymommy,
I’m humbled by your comment. Thank you…
🙂
This Kicks Ass. (yes it does.)
Julie,
COming from you—I almost believe it…
😉
Hugs, sweet, lovely friend!
Beautifully told, Erin.
I love that you were able to paint such a detailed picture without dialogue. You gave just enough detail to give my mind something to build off of, and made it easy for me to develop the characters for myself.
Great work!
Thank you so much, Dawn! I appreciate the constructive criticism. I wanted readers to be able to imagine it for themselves, or to even put themselves into the scene if they related enough.
Happy Thursday!
I am always in awe of writing that is so few words can capture so much. This right here is that. I could see the scene, could taste the sandwich, could smell the smoke, could feel the friendship. That is what makes you a writer.
Ashley,
Thank you, dollface. You are my biggest cheerleader. I don’t know what to say. Also, I’m afraid I will never do it again. Poetry makes me nervous and I don’t write a lot of it…but this just flowed out. Wish it happened more often! xoxo
Oh, you made my miss my Besties so much! They live too far away. Simple and beautiful – like the best friendships.
Thanks so much, Christie! I miss my besties, too. I’m glad you related to this and thanks so much for reading!
Beautiful writing, Erin. As always. Just beautiful.
Thank you, sweet Delilah! I don’t know what to say!
😉
HUGS!
Loved this. There is nothing like a friend you can share quiet with…and secret cigs. 🙂
Kathleen,
Thanks so much! Friends are the best!
Oh Erin – you are such an artist!!! You paint such a realistic picture that makes me feel like I was sitting right next to you – eating sandwiches, smoking cigarettes & watching butterflies in the sky. 😉 The simple word “Relief” is absolutely how I feel when I have a day like that with one of my besties! Our need for these special friendships – this kind of respite – this kind of RELIEF from the sometimes mundane, hectic and/or overwhelming day(s) in the life of a momma is so necessary. I am so happy to read this post & to truly understand… You are a magnificent mom, friend, writer & woman. Xoxoxo
Thanks, Jmjmas/Meg!
I miss you!
xoxoxo
Very powerful imagery in such few words. Well done.
Michael,
I appreciate this so much. THank you, and Happy Almost Friday!
I love your words. Such gorgeous imagery!
Thanks so very much, Carebear!
Beautiful.
ShiftlessMommie,
Thanks and big hugs!
this image makes me miss smoking. i loved that pause, the flare of the match, that first inhale. ah.
Mannahattamamma,
Ah yes! I was never a regular smoker, just a social smoker. But I know of what you speak!
Lovely. And you made me hungry at the same time.
Jay,
So what did you eat? something with mustard & mayo? 😉
The only condiment I like less than mustard is mayo. So I had some ketchup instead 🙂
Damn, I am DYING for a cigarette now. And a butterfly. And a porch.
Christie,
Let’s find some and meet up! Happy almost Friday!
I love your description of the sandwich. Makes me think of how drippy tomato sandwiches are in high summer. Love the writing. Great imagery.
southMainMuse,
Thank you so much for the compliments! Much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it!
Well that just totally brought me back to a certain period in my life. Vivid and lovely.
Vinobaby,
Aw, thanks so much! I’m glad you related to it.
Happy almost Friday!
I’ve been there before. And I tasted mayonnaise when I read this.
Mamamash,
LOVE this comment. I’m so glad.
😉
Sneaking a cigarette with a dear friend. You reminded me of what I’m craving right now. Great post.
Michelle,
Thanks, kind one! Hope you’re having an awesome day and I’m so glad the weekend is nearly here. You?
I’m going to chew some niccorette gum. haven’t smoked in years. still chew the gum when i need it. like now.
Kristen,
Sorry I made you need the gum! That wasn’t my intention!
;-(
Thanks for reading despite that.
Oh, this is beautiful. Your phrasing is so vivid. I love that you say so much with so few words.
50 Peach,
Thank you so very much—means more than you know! Have a lovely day!
I love the way you write.
Write, Rinse, Repeat,
I could say the same about you—so glad we’ve connected through Yeah Write!