Back to Best

Relief

a delicate strand of an afternoon–

her threads are unraveling, hanging off.

she’s thankful for the friend who’s a phone call away.

they devour sandwiches, both tired, hungry, worn thin by this day, its drama and defeats.

mustard and mayonnaise drip down the bread. a shared hunger for more than just food–hungry to be heard, understood and loved.

after, they sit in the shade of the porch watching the trees whisper. the leaves tell stories. a butterfly, an old soul, flits by, waving its wings and leaving a trail of tenderness behind.

they sneak cigarettes, passing the lighter back and forth. the mixture of nicotine, the warm wind, and the shared silence–not having to say a word, but still feeling comfortable in the quiet–brings relief.

smoking-girl

smoking girl

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

linked up with Yeah Write

Comments

  1. Erin, I know you want “con crit” but I got nothing. This was so evocative in so few words, with no dialogue, yet dripping with time and place and emotion. 

  4. ahh. yes.  i have these friendships.  and in this time in my life i crave them like none other.  you take me right to the heart of it.  love it.

    • Tara,

      This is a compliment of the highest sort, coming from you. I’m glad you liked it. I crave these friendships, too. And sometimes I am sad that a lot of my friendships are virtual, through the computer screen. And that my husband will never understand.

  6. This is really beautiful work. I’m always at a loss to say something constructive about verse and poetic writing – it’s something I only ever understand emotionally and not technically. It either hits me or I can’t find my way inside of its emotions. The imagery in this was vivid, the mix of melancholy and relief powerful; what I’m saying is I *felt it*. Amazing job.

    • Eric,

      I’m honored and the fact that I made you “feel” it means I’ve succeeded. So thank you for sharing that with me. And thank you for your vagina post, which I voted for. I love it so hard! I’m going to keep sharing it, too.

      Happy Thursday!

  11. Beautiful, Erin. I miss my friends, whom I don’t see nearly enough. Tonight, though: Mom’s night OUT!

  15. Beautifully told, Erin. 

    I love that you were able to paint such a detailed picture without dialogue. You gave just enough detail to give my mind something to build off of, and made it easy for me to develop the characters for myself.
    Great work!

    • Thank you so much, Dawn! I appreciate the constructive criticism. I wanted readers to be able to imagine it for themselves, or to even put themselves into the scene if they related enough. 
      Happy Thursday!

  16. I am always in awe of writing that is so few words can capture so much. This right here is that. I could see the scene, could taste the sandwich, could smell the smoke, could feel the friendship. That is what makes you a writer. 

    • Ashley,

      Thank you, dollface. You are my biggest cheerleader. I don’t know what to say. Also, I’m afraid I will never do it again. Poetry makes me nervous and I don’t write a lot of it…but this just flowed out. Wish it happened more often! xoxo

  19. Loved this. There is nothing like a friend you can share quiet with…and secret cigs. 🙂

  20. Oh Erin – you are such an artist!!! You paint such a realistic picture that makes me feel like I was sitting right next to you – eating sandwiches, smoking cigarettes & watching butterflies in the sky. 😉 The simple word “Relief” is absolutely how I feel when I have a day like that with one of my besties! Our need for these special friendships – this kind of respite – this kind of RELIEF from the sometimes mundane, hectic and/or overwhelming day(s) in the life of a momma is so necessary. I am so happy to read this post & to truly understand… You are a magnificent mom, friend, writer & woman. Xoxoxo

  27. I love your description of the sandwich. Makes me think of how drippy tomato sandwiches are in high summer. Love the writing. Great imagery. 

  28. Well that just totally brought me back to a certain period in my life. Vivid and lovely.

  30. Sneaking a cigarette with a dear friend.  You reminded me of what I’m craving right now.  Great post.

  32. Oh, this is beautiful. Your phrasing is so vivid. I love that you say so much with so few words.

I’m Attending

Some of My Favorite Causes