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Relief

June 18, 2012

a delicate strand of an afternoon–

her threads are unraveling, hanging off.

she’s thankful for the friend who’s a phone call away.

they devour sandwiches, both tired, hungry, worn thin by this day, its drama and defeats.

mustard and mayonnaise drip down the bread. a shared hunger for more than just food–hungry to be heard, understood and loved.

after, they sit in the shade of the porch watching the trees whisper. the leaves tell stories. a butterfly, an old soul, flits by, waving its wings and leaving a trail of tenderness behind.

they sneak cigarettes, passing the lighter back and forth. the mixture of nicotine, the warm wind, and the shared silence–not having to say a word, but still feeling comfortable in the quiet–brings relief.

smoking-girl

smoking girl

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

linked up with Yeah Write

Filed Under: Favorite Posts, My Fiction, My Poetry

Comments

  1. Cindy ~ The Reedster Speaks says

    June 18, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Erin, I know you want “con crit” but I got nothing. This was so evocative in so few words, with no dialogue, yet dripping with time and place and emotion. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:19 am

      Cindy,

      and your comment: “dripping w/ time, place & emotion” stopped me in my tracks. thank you, friend.

  2. From Tracie says

    June 18, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I’m left with no words. This is beautiful. Every single word is perfect – not too many, not too few. 

    Soulful. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:36 am

      Thank you, Tracie! xoxoxo

  3. Guerrilla Mom says

    June 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    God, this makes me miss the friendships I left in California.  And cigarettes.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:37 am

      Guerrilla Mom,

      It makes me miss other friendships too. And I keep wanting to buy some cigs.

  4. Tara_pohlkottepress says

    June 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    ahh. yes.  i have these friendships.  and in this time in my life i crave them like none other.  you take me right to the heart of it.  love it.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:39 am

      Tara,

      This is a compliment of the highest sort, coming from you. I’m glad you liked it. I crave these friendships, too. And sometimes I am sad that a lot of my friendships are virtual, through the computer screen. And that my husband will never understand.

  5. LeeBlock says

    June 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I miss my real friends…when are you coming to see me. This made me cry.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:39 am

      I miss you, too. I don’t know when I’m coming. Life sucks now. We need a phone chat to catch up. xoxoxo

  6. Eric Sipple says

    June 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    This is really beautiful work. I’m always at a loss to say something constructive about verse and poetic writing – it’s something I only ever understand emotionally and not technically. It either hits me or I can’t find my way inside of its emotions. The imagery in this was vivid, the mix of melancholy and relief powerful; what I’m saying is I *felt it*. Amazing job.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:40 am

      Eric,

      I’m honored and the fact that I made you “feel” it means I’ve succeeded. So thank you for sharing that with me. And thank you for your vagina post, which I voted for. I love it so hard! I’m going to keep sharing it, too.

      Happy Thursday!

  7. San Diego Momma (Deb) says

    June 18, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    This is beautifully written. And I get it.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:50 am

      San DIego Momma,

      Thank you so much!

  8. Erin @Momfog says

    June 19, 2012 at 3:37 am

    I love it.  

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:50 am

      Erin,

      So happy!
      From the other Erin
      😉

  9. Mayor Gia says

    June 19, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Those kind of friends are the best..

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:50 am

      Mayor Gia,

      I know, right? Sigh. I need more days like these w/ my besties.

  10. Kimberly says

    June 19, 2012 at 7:51 am

    This post is so comforting. Love it.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

      THank you, Kimberly. and you know what? YOU are a comfort to me.
      Happy almost Friday!

  11. Lovethatmax says

    June 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Beautiful, Erin. I miss my friends, whom I don’t see nearly enough. Tonight, though: Mom’s night OUT!

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

      Ellen,

      How was girls’ night out? What did you do? Where did you go? So glad you took some time for yourself!xoxoxo

  12. christina says

    June 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

    this makes me miss my BFF (we live in different states). and smoking.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

      Christina,

      It’s no fun to have BFFs who live far away. I know the feeling well. Thanks so much for reading and relating!

  13. Anymommy says

    June 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

    The essence of friendship.  Beautifully done.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

      Anymommy,

      I’m humbled by your comment. Thank you…
      🙂

  14. Julie Gardner says

    June 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

    This Kicks Ass. (yes it does.)

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

      Julie,

      COming from you—I almost believe it…
      😉

      Hugs, sweet, lovely friend!

  15. Dawn says

    June 19, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Beautifully told, Erin. 

    I love that you were able to paint such a detailed picture without dialogue. You gave just enough detail to give my mind something to build off of, and made it easy for me to develop the characters for myself.
    Great work!

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

      Thank you so much, Dawn! I appreciate the constructive criticism. I wanted readers to be able to imagine it for themselves, or to even put themselves into the scene if they related enough. 
      Happy Thursday!

  16. The Dose of Reality says

    June 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

    I am always in awe of writing that is so few words can capture so much. This right here is that. I could see the scene, could taste the sandwich, could smell the smoke, could feel the friendship. That is what makes you a writer. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:16 am

      Ashley,

      Thank you, dollface. You are my biggest cheerleader. I don’t know what to say. Also, I’m afraid I will never do it again. Poetry makes me nervous and I don’t write a lot of it…but this just flowed out. Wish it happened more often! xoxo

  17. Christie says

    June 19, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Oh, you made my miss my Besties so much! They live too far away. Simple and beautiful – like the best friendships.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

      Thanks so much, Christie! I miss my besties, too. I’m glad you related to this and thanks so much for reading!

  18. Delilah says

    June 19, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Beautiful writing, Erin. As always. Just beautiful. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

      Thank you, sweet Delilah! I don’t know what to say!
      😉

      HUGS!

  19. Kathleen says

    June 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Loved this. There is nothing like a friend you can share quiet with…and secret cigs. 🙂

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

      Kathleen,

      Thanks so much! Friends are the best!

  20. Jmjmas says

    June 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Oh Erin – you are such an artist!!! You paint such a realistic picture that makes me feel like I was sitting right next to you – eating sandwiches, smoking cigarettes & watching butterflies in the sky. 😉 The simple word “Relief” is absolutely how I feel when I have a day like that with one of my besties! Our need for these special friendships – this kind of respite – this kind of RELIEF from the sometimes mundane, hectic and/or overwhelming day(s) in the life of a momma is so necessary. I am so happy to read this post & to truly understand… You are a magnificent mom, friend, writer & woman. Xoxoxo

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

      Thanks, Jmjmas/Meg!
       I miss you!
      xoxoxo

  21. Michael Gray says

    June 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Very powerful imagery in such few words.  Well done.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

      Michael,

      I appreciate this so much. THank you, and Happy Almost Friday!

  22. Carebear says

    June 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    I love your words. Such gorgeous imagery!

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

      Thanks so very much, Carebear!

  23. Shiftless Mommie says

    June 19, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Beautiful.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

      ShiftlessMommie,

      Thanks and big hugs!

  24. MannahattaMamma says

    June 20, 2012 at 11:49 am

    this image makes me miss smoking. i loved that pause, the flare of the match, that first inhale. ah. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

      Mannahattamamma,

      Ah yes! I was never a regular smoker, just a social smoker. But I know of what you speak! 

  25. Jay - Dude of the House says

    June 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Lovely. And you made me hungry at the same time. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      Jay,

      So what did you eat? something with mustard & mayo? 😉

      • Jay - Dude of the House says

        June 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm

        The only condiment I like less than mustard is mayo. So I had some ketchup instead 🙂

  26. Christie O Tate says

    June 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Damn, I am DYING for a cigarette now.  And a butterfly.  And a porch.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm

      Christie,

      Let’s find some and meet up! Happy almost Friday!

  27. SouthMainMuse says

    June 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    I love your description of the sandwich. Makes me think of how drippy tomato sandwiches are in high summer. Love the writing. Great imagery. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:08 pm

      southMainMuse,

      Thank you so much for the compliments! Much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it!

  28. Vinobaby says

    June 20, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Well that just totally brought me back to a certain period in my life. Vivid and lovely.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

      Vinobaby,

      Aw, thanks so much! I’m glad you related to it.
      Happy almost Friday!

  29. Mamamash says

    June 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I’ve been there before. And I tasted mayonnaise when I read this.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

      Mamamash,

      LOVE this comment. I’m so glad. 
      😉

  30. Michelle Longo says

    June 20, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Sneaking a cigarette with a dear friend.  You reminded me of what I’m craving right now.  Great post.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

      Michelle,

      Thanks, kind one! Hope you’re having an awesome day and I’m so glad the weekend is nearly here. You?

  31. Kristen says

    June 20, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I’m going to chew some niccorette gum. haven’t smoked in years. still chew the gum when i need it. like now. 

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm

      Kristen,

      Sorry I made you need the gum! That wasn’t my intention!
      ;-(
      Thanks for reading despite that.

  32. 50 Peach says

    June 20, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Oh, this is beautiful. Your phrasing is so vivid. I love that you say so much with so few words.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      50 Peach,

      Thank you so very much—means more than you know! Have a lovely day!

  33. Write, Rinse, Repeat says

    June 20, 2012 at 10:35 pm

     I love the way you write.

    • Erin Margolin says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      Write, Rinse, Repeat,

      I could say the same about you—so glad we’ve connected through Yeah Write!

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