Fortunately neither of the girls required oxygen, but the rest of the tubes were intimidating (feeding tubes and heart monitors).
Because the girls were premature, nursing was an uphill battle. They couldn’t get the latching thing down, they fell asleep at the wheel, and having two hungry babies to deal with at the same time was overwhelming for me to say the least. Despite help from lactation consultants, despite drowning in my own guilt and tears, I had to give up on the idea of breastfeeding. I pumped exclusively until the girls were about 3 1/2 months old.
And now, 5 1/2 years later? The familiar fears are resurfacing. I am pregnant with our third and last daughter, a complete miracle. Worried I won’t remember how to “do” this. Scared the nursing won’t work again. Nervous that I’ve forgotten how to change a diaper and bathe a slippery newborn. Not sure how I will juggle 5 year-old twins and kindergarten with a baby. Anxious about the delivery–will it be another c-section, or a VBAC? How long will it take my body to bounce back this time? Will the girls become jealous and even more demanding, or will they settle into the roles of big sisters with ease and be helpful to me?
Time will tell.