It’s about love, such a precarious thing. A falling, a trickling down, a catching. An ever-changing thing, just as the people who are in the thick of it. It can be taken for granted. It can be a chameleon. It can sit like a coiled snake in the corner, waiting to bite you. Or it can be warm cookies with milk while watching back-to-back episodes of Homeland curled up next to each other.
Someone Like You is also about abandonment. Being left alone. A love lost. I always have this fear. I don’t know where it comes from. It applies to everyone in my life, not only my husband, but also my friends. I’m afraid they’ll decide they don’t like me and they’ll walk away. Leave me. I’m sometimes good at holding myself at a distance in advance, just in case. Like preparation for the inevitable.
People change. Expectations change too as we grow and evolve. Adjustments are made. Or aren’t. Is there always room to expand? Or can we run out of room and find ourselves crammed into a space that no longer fits?
I’m not the same person I was 10, or 20 years ago. I have wrinkles and facial fuzz and some pink hair. I have a fleur-de-lis tattoo.
I saw a woman walking yesterday. She had on a coral skirt that showed off her tan, shapely calves. Nude heels, a handbag with a matchy-matchy scarf tied around the handle that coordinated with her top. Her hair was soft and wavy. She walked tall and I thought to myself, “I will never look like her. I will never be her.” I imagined her sneering at me. But she didn’t even see me.
Some days I’m okay with that, my invisibility vs. my assumptions, people watching, etc. Some days I’m not. Because although I can clean up real good, most days I’m just me. I struggle with the inside vs the outside, me as a writer, an entrepreneur, a worker bee, a volunteer, a mom, a Jew, a wife, a sister, a daughter. Those are all inside things mostly. I claim them. Mostly. But the outside me…I don’t know how she appears. She’s a chameleon.
If you’re not okay with that, I guess you’ll find someone new. And I’ll wish nothing but the best for you.
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited.
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me, it isn’t over yet
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah
Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?