The constantly curious phase descended on our home some time ago. It hangs over us like a wet towel– heavy, cumbersome, and suffocating. It haunts me like a demon in the night. I’ve run out of answers for most things or am simply too tired to keep answering. Give me vodka!
“Why, Mom?”
“What is that?”
“Why is he doing that, Mom?”
“Mom, why do we have to go there?”
“Why did you do that, Mommy?”
Most of the time these questions are just irritating in their rapid-fire manner; other times, like yesterday, they are really embarrassing.
We had the fabulous idea to take the girls to the T-Rex Cafe. We imagined the awe and wonder and utter joy that the girls would inevitably experience from the moment we entered the place–we’d never been and just thought it would be something fun & different to do on a holiday weekend. Here’s a quick peek inside the prehistoric era restaurant where we gasped in horror once we saw the prices on the menu. $12.99 for a Brontosaurus Burger? Give me a break! But you can’t really put a price on dining with the dinos–especially ones that move, roar, and come to visit you at your table & scare the pants off your kids! Yes, my kids were terrified. But their hunger outweighed their fear, so food won out and we stayed.
Abby’s bladder is the size of a pea, so of course she said she had to potty as soon as we sat down. I needed to attend to some business of my own, so I agreed to take her.
“But Moooooooom, I said, WHAT IS THAT?” Now I can hear giggles coming from another stall. Thank goodness no one can see me because I’m blushing furiously.
“It’s a tampon,” I whisper, quickly stuffing the trash in the bin on the wall.
“What is it for, Mommy?”
“It’s for my tushie,” I say, as I quickly finish and yank my pants back up. You see, “tushie” is a generic term at our house which refers to the whole kit n’ caboodle and doesn’t often require any distinction. It’s far better than my saying, “It’s a wad of cotton I have to shove up my vag when I’m bleeding like a stuck pig.”
“Can I have one, Mommy?”
“I don’t have any more, Abs. Now let’s go wash hands and get back to the table,” I say, and fortunately this is the end of our introduction to tampons. That is, until one day she suddenly announces something to the effect of, “My mommy uses tampons for her tushie!” when we’re surrounded by total strangers in Target.
Kids are funny. And just when you think they’ve forgotten all about something, they’ll bring it up in the most unlikely/inappropriate way. So I’m just holding my breath, waiting for the tampon to rear its ugly head.
Oh that made me laugh, laugh, laugh out loud here in the hospital waiting room! Thank you! My daughters created the word "boogala" for their whole kit n' caboodle. On the day of my annual gyno visit, my babysitter backed out & I had to take them. I warned them (they were maybe 4 &5, not yet in school) ahead of time what the doctor would be inspecting. They looked at each other incredulously, said, "she's gonna inspect your BOOGALA?" and laughed hysterically the whole time.
OMG, too funny. Problem is, we underestimate our little ones. They are SOO on top of things. It's amazing. I hope you all have a fabulous Holiday this year. You obviously have much to be thankful for. Take care. Keri
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My boys call tampons mommy's paper sticks.
LMAO! Now that's funny!!
Dang.
That's funny stuff.
I want video of the reaction in the Target.
And are you tellin me that I've had butt sex and didn't even know it?!?
I love stories like this. I'm under no delusion that I will escape these moments so I take full pleasure in laughing at others who are/have been through this stage.
My favorite is a friend of mine who's four year old announced very loudly in a public bathroom stall "Momma! Your gina is hairy!"
Fun stuff!!!!
Awesome!
A friend of mine shared a story of when her tot was digging through her purse in the crowded checkout line of the grocery store. She pulled a tampon out and said, very loudly: "Mom, you gonna stick this in your butt?"
At least she didn't see the used one and freak out about you having a boo boo on your tushie.
You have got to love the inquizative nature of little ones, and thier need to announce EVERYTHING!
I avoided anything like this with Goose in public, but while at home she has ran around saying "Momma you have lots of hair on your hoohoo, will I? I don't want it, it's gross." while in-laws were there. Ugh
Oh boy, you were taking a chance introducing her to that little ritual your pre-menopausal gals have to deal with. Funny how we both did post on this subject today isn't it?!
OMG – I am so far out of kiddieland this had me howling. And yes videos for the re-inactment of the conversation at Target is a must.
Back on the original topic – is this a chain of restaurants? Wonder if there is one close to Vancouver?
oh, how funny!
my 3.5 year old went shopping with me friday. we had to make a pit stop and i, too, keep her with me (i try to use the handicap stall so there's extra room.) anyway, she wanted to know if the lady in the stall next to us was POOPING because she was in there so long and it was so STINKY. yeah, i wanted to die. i hope the pooping lady doesn't ever recognize my shoes. damn kids.
OK! thanks for the laugh and for letting me know that I am not the only one in mommy world that has been ultra embarrassed in a public bathroom. How about the time that Ethan (then 3) stated, "Oh my gosh mom? Where's your pee pee, it's missing!" Or what about . . . "Mom! I am pooping. Do you have to poop too? Is that why you are saying hurry up?!"
🙂
tampons for your tushie!!!!
HHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…Oh, I would have loved to seen it live.
(laughing with you Erin…are you still laughing? This is PRICELESS).
Shove up your vag!! LOL, you made me crack up, tushie woman.
That is hilarious! I only wish I could be a fly on the wall when she brings up you use tampons in your toushie. I'm sure it will be around your father in law or something lol.
What an awesome restaurant!!!! I wish we had one of those around us.
Yikes! And I thought I was embarrassed when I had to skirt questions from my son about why you have to buy "napkins" in the bathroom at Walmart. "They make you pay for those?!"
Oh my gawd!! Just what I needed to pick me up this morning! Reminds me of when my daughter was about 2 1/2- she knew the correct body part names and her favorite was "vagina". She screamed in the middle of the mall food court: "Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!"
My boys would love that restaurant!
I bet it won't take too long for you to be posting about your girl making that announcement!
My 3 year old thinks that they are rocketships- he actually opened most of a box of them and was "shooting" them across the bathroom and yelling BLAST OFF!
This is one of many reasons why I'm glad to be a man. Thanks for one heck of a good laugh. I can only imagine what's in store for you as they get older.
Okay, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! So funny! Kids do say things at the most inappropriate times. We were in the middle of Wal-Mart when hubby and I looked over and saw our son with his business hanging out of his pants. We were mortified and pulled up his pants quick! He screams, "But my pe#!$ itches!" It's one time we were sorry we taught him the right word for it!
My kids call them toopons. . . .Kids are great at saying funny things. I was turning off the bedroom light last night in the girls room and when I turned around to leave my youngest said "mommy, what's fecal matter". AAAAAHHHH
I read a story in Readers Digest – an yes I do read books that have women in cloths – about a man who traveled quiet a bit and his daughter would sleep in mommy when he was gone and cry when she couldn’t when he was home. He had a heart to heart talk about her growing up and not needing to sleep with mommy anymore. So the next time wife and daughter met him at the airport, she went running up to him yelling, “Daddy, I’m glad you are home and nobody slept with mommy while you were gone.
I also forgot, one day I heard my six year old daughter tell her friend from across the street, "My daddy's pee pee is HUGE." I bought her a corvette the next day.
Speaking of periods (we were speaking of them, right?). I was at work the day my daughter started her period. She calls me up to tell me and I make a really big deal about how she's growing up and can now be called a woman, yada, yada, yada. She then starts to sniffle and says that's all well and fine but Daddy won't let her sit on the sofa! Can you believe it? Men!
Haha! The T-Rex cafe looks fun!
Kids crack me up – especially when it's someone else's making the funnies. Personally, the thought of the tampon rearing it's ugly head will probably give me nightmares!
Oh my gosh, Erin…I am so dying here!! That is too funny.
And I promise you it will.
And I would never let my young child out of my sight in a public restroom. I take my 8 year old son with me in the women's restroom sometimes still. I cover his eyes; I just imagine the pedophiles hanging around the men's room. AWFUL.
cool restaurant.
Oh that is too funny. I already have to leave Jules with Daddy (at 2.5). I love what kids remember…Joe at class one day (when he was 4) proudly proclaimed his Meimaw didn't wear underwear…that was fun to explain to moms and 4 year olds.
OMG, Erin! That story had me crying I was laughing so hard! I have a 17 month old, and I am damn tired of being a mind reader. I want this kid to talk in the worst way. It seems I may be eating those words before long, huh?
Cool restaurant! Wish we had something like that…even if it does cost an arm and a leg.
OMG Erin that is hysterical! And you know I'm only laughing because I get the same questions!!!
Isn't it amazing how we wait anxiously for our kids to start talking and then once they do begin to speak, we wish they could go back to their pre-verbal stage!
As soon as I stop laughing I will think of a comment, rotfl!
There are days when I LIVE for bedtime just so that I don't have to answer any more QUESTIONS!
Mom- where are we going? Why? What for? Why do you need that? What's that for? What this for? Mommy, why are you hiding in the bathroom????
Silence for a Mom is truly a treasure 🙂
My boyfriend's 9-year-old was going through my purse once and found a tampon and asked what it was. My answer was pretty much the same as yours. "You don't need to worry about that right now." She let it drop, thankfully!
I nearly peed my pants reading this! LOVE this post – especially your description of their questions hanging over you like a wet towel – brilliant. My daughter has asked the tampon question at home, but never in public. My favorite is when they're in the stall with you asking "Are you going poo poo?" Thanks for sharing this classic moment!
Hee Hee. I have a niece that I had to take into a bathroom with me once. She asked why my butt was hairy(of course, butt was her term for every private part). My other niece once called asked if I had apples in my shirt! Gotta love 'em!
Even harder to explain to boys.
She's very clever. Too cute!
That's awesome! and let me tell you as mothers of a 9 year old, the questions keep going…
Ha ha ….liked that.
Oh brilliant – love it!! Made me have a little giggle!!
Oh geez, that's like the time my 3 (now 4) year old boy was in the stall with me and he goes, "Mommy, are you pooping or tooting??" Gawd.
That's one of those times when you sit there and think to yourself, "no matter what I love my kids."
Thank you for the giggle. 🙂
LMAO!
"Tushie" is much better than "Tootsie"…which is the term that THIS crazy mother decided to use as a code word for the vag.
All was well until the day that some crazy-ass-shouldbemindingherownbusiness-lady says to my (at the time) 4 yr. old…
"Ooooh…it's cold out here. You must be freezing your tootsies off!"
The look on my daughter's face was one of sheer horror. The look on mine when she said "I don't talk about my privates with anyone…even if it is cold." Pure embarassment.
Apparently, "tootsies" is a term most sane people use for feet.
Who knew?
Still laughing over that one. I love the questions kids ask. Especially when I'm not the one that has to answer the tough ones!
***Ally
I'm trying not to laugh too much as I'm sitting in bed next to my sleeping hubby, but my God was that hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could just see her saying how you use the tampon in your tushie in the middle of a crowded store. Hope that store is filled w/moms b/c we'd totally understand! 😉
First of all that restaurant looks awesome! My boys would love it.
Second – Oh yea! You know she's going to mention that tampon at the wort possible moment! LMAO
So, was this the T-Rex place in Orlando? We went there on a trek to the LEGO Store. It is a freakin' awesome place. But not only is the food over priced, it isn't very good either.
Next, I call tampons butt band-aides. The boys always ask loudly when we are on the feminine product aisle, "Mom, you need some more band-aides for your butt?"
Gotta love kids. I can't wait to have the bathroom to my self again! *sigh*
Oh, this is so funny! I bet the people in the stalls next to you are blogging about this too… 🙂
That restaurant is amazing. My son is obsessed with dinosaurs. He would love, love, LOVE that!
When I was a teenager, my bff's mom babysat a 3 yr old little girl. One day when I was at their house, we were playing with her, when she reached into her pants and yanked out a pantyliner. She showed it to us, and then carefully put it back down her pants and into her underwear. We nearly peed ourselves laughing. When her mom picked her up we asked her about it, and she said she saw her using them and had to have one of her own. =D
This is priceless!! I laughed so loud!!!
So this is what I have to look forward to when we have kids- good to know!!
At least you get prvacy at home. I don't. We had friends over for a BBQ, I went to the bathroom, and my daughter followed me in. I "let gas escape" while peeing. My daughter left before I did, and when I came out, my husband let me know that she came out and announced to everyone that "mommy farted!" NICE
Seriously! This is hilarious.
I just tell them it's medicine for mommy and they back away like the plague.
EEK! How did i miss this one in my reader? Far better than saying..stuck some cotton in my vag so I don't bleed like a pig..or something like that… So freakin HILARIOUS……
Thanks 4 the laugh even though it is a bit late…
oh my gosh, how precious!! i'm seriously not ready for marshall to start asking questions…lol
Oh my heck, this is HI larious!