God, grant me grace. Help me be patient with myself. I am not perfect. I cannot do it all. I am not Wonder Woman; I am me, just one person. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Let me not worry so much about my older daughters. They will be okay. We all have an adjustment period. It’s not easy. But it is what it is. We just have to muddle through it—together.
Let me concentrate on this new little one who needs me. She needs to eat more. She’s still not back up to her birth weight yet and this hangs heavily upon me. I feel responsible. I know she will be okay, but I still worry. Last night my breasts were leaking and I cried for what I cannot give her. My implants prevented me from nursing successfully (the implants I got because we were “done” having kids. Post-twins, pre-miracle conception). The milk was there, but it got stuck and couldn’t find its way out. The result? Painful engorgement and only getting a few ounces per day for Piper.